From Sleepless Nights to Creative Heights: How Motherhood Sparked A New Creative Fire
My baby girl Ava, 1 year old, and me, in the studio.
Last week marked my baby daughter's first birthday - a milestone that felt like the perfect occasion to reflect. Over the past year, she and I have both undergone profound transformations. As I look back on this journey, I’m struck by the depth of change that has shaped my life since welcoming her into the world.
Longing for More: From Career to Creative Calling
Before Ava was born, I had what you’d call a 'grown-up job,' working as an organizational psychologist in a large Danish IT company. It was a fulfilling role that allowed me to apply my skills and even be creative in different ways. Yet, I found myself quietly counting down the hours until the workday ended, so I could steal a few moments to devote to my art.
While I genuinely enjoyed my job, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was meant for something different - something I had longed for but hadn’t yet dared to fully pursue. My dream of being a full-time artist was born many years ago, but after leaving art school disillusioned in 2013, I had only gradually begun to reignite my creativity (click here to read my post about My Creative Journey). Slowly, I had started painting again and reconnecting with my artistic calling. But although I was creating and occasionally exhibiting my work, art remained in the background, never quite taking the lead as I deep down knew it was meant to.
8 months pregnant in 2023.
When I found out I was pregnant, I started looking forward to so many things, but it’s hard to prepare for something as drastically different as becoming a mother and having a baby in your life. One thing I could hold onto, though, was the thought of maternity leave. I imagined having plenty of time to be in the studio, painting while the baby slept. But I would soon discover that maternity leave was quite different from what I had envisioned!
The Reality of Early Motherhood
Ava turned out to be a fantastic baby - but a terrible sleeper! Those long naps I had anticipated, where I’d steal time to paint, didn’t happen. Instead, my days revolved around soothing, nursing, and trying to coax her into sleep - primarily by walking her around in the stroller in our neighborhood.
I got a lot of exercise and fresh air, which I enjoyed. And this was indeed a magical time for both Jamie (Ava’s dad) and me. But my longing to paint only grew stronger from not being able to do it much, and from stepping away from the daily grind of my former work life.
Motherhood made my world feel smaller, confined to the bedroom, living room, and an occasional stroll around the block. Yet, paradoxically, it also made my world feel larger. With fewer distractions, I noticed details that had been hidden in the noise of daily stress—like the birds flitting around our balcony’s feeder. While I felt constantly occupied with either nursing or walking her around the neighborhood to help her sleep (yes, she was that kind of baby!), I also sensed the privilege of slowing down. It was a perfect condition for an artist: emotionally and sensually charged, except for the lack of time to create.
A New Way of Seeing
Motherhood transformed how I experienced the world. I often found myself on the sofa, holding Ava for hours while she nursed. I’d gaze out at the balcony, noticing the tiniest shifts in light or the little birds enjoying our bird feeder. It was as if the world, stripped of its usual distractions, had become vivid and expansive, full of details I hadn’t previously taken in.
This enforced stillness wasn’t easy - it left me craving the act of painting even more. But in these quiet moments, I found a renewed sense of inspiration. It was the emotional intensity of early motherhood, along with the sharpness of my senses, that set the stage for a shift in my artistic approach. When I did manage to steal a few minutes here and there to paint, I felt different - transformed by the experience of slowing down and immersing myself in the simple beauty of my surroundings.
Ava’s experiencing Kusama’s installation “Gleaming Lights of the Souls.”
Having my baby daughter has also inspired me to view the world through her innocent gaze. Each day presents an opportunity to experience life anew, as I witness her curiosity and wonder in the simplest moments. Whether it's the way sunlight filters through the leaves, the sound of birds chirping outside our window, or Ava’s first encounter with actual artwork, her reactions remind me to pause and appreciate the beauty in the everyday.
This fresh perspective has not only enriched my experience as a mother but has also seeped into my artistic practice. I find myself seeking out details and colors that I may have overlooked before, allowing the world around me to inspire my work in unexpected ways. Ava’s joyful exploration of her surroundings has reignited my own sense of wonder, encouraging me to embrace spontaneity in both life and art.
An Artistic Transformation
As Ava grew, she began interacting with the world in subtle ways, like the moments when she would fix her gaze on the paintings above our sofa. Initially, she’d make eye contact with me, then her focus would drift to the artworks hanging behind me. I realized she was captivated by the sharp lines and high-contrast surfaces of my signature style. Curious, I started reading about infants’ visual preferences and learned that babies are naturally drawn to high-contrast images, straight lines, and geometric shapes. As they develop, they begin to favor more complex forms, like the curves of circular shapes.
Ava inspecting one of my earliest attempts at the circle.
This discovery was a revelation - it inspired me to venture into new territory with my art. I started experimenting with circular forms and softer lines, using them to explore new themes. While it took time for this artistic direction to fully evolve (thanks to limited studio time), I now see how it transformed my practice and elevated it to a new, exciting level (click here to read my blog post on venturing From Straight Lines To Circles.)
But it wasn’t just the changes in my art; the end of my maternity leave was approaching, and with it came a decision I hadn’t initially anticipated making. I realized that returning to my day job meant stepping back into a life where art would always come last. I felt that if I was going to commit to the life I wanted - where creativity and family could coexist on my terms - I needed to take a leap of faith. The experience of becoming a mother, with all its unknowns and challenges, gave me a newfound confidence that I had unknowingly been cultivating. It was this courage that ultimately led me to leave my job and pursue my art full-time.
Fearlessness and Creative Freedom
Having Ava has inspired me in countless ways, not least by watching her engage with the world in such an open and honest way. As a baby, she’s completely free from the fear of failure that holds so many of us back in life. This fearlessness has sparked a change in how I approach my art. In the studio, I now take more chances and experiment more freely. It has also influenced my recent life decisions, like quitting my job to pursue art full-time. Ava has shown me that time is precious and should be spent on what is deeply meaningful, even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone.
There’s a clarity that comes from observing her unfiltered curiosity and willingness to explore. It’s a reminder that creativity thrives on freedom, and it’s encouraged me to embrace the unexpected, both in my art and in my life.
Mothering My Inner Artist Child
Becoming a mother has not only formed an invaluable relationship with my baby girl, it has also transformed my relationship with myself. It feels as though I’ve 'birthed' a new part of me - a nurturing, protective side that mothers not only my daughter but also my inner artist child. This inner child represents the core of my creativity. It’s where my artistic impulses reside, full of wonder but also terribly naive and vulnerable.
Being a mother to Ava has allowed me to extend that care inward, embracing my inner artist child with the same protection and encouragement. I’ve learned to comfort this part of myself when it gets scared, and to urge it back into the world after setbacks. The experience has been truly transformative, giving me the courage to not only care for my daughter but also to create a safe space for my creativity to flourish.
Embracing a New Chapter
Ava holding the brush - for now, a dry one!
In this past year, I’ve experienced a profound transformation, both as a mother and as an artist. Ava has been my greatest teacher, reminding me of the power of fearless exploration and the importance of living authentically. Through her, I’ve come to realize that creativity isn’t just something I do - it's an integral part of who I am.
Motherhood has given me the courage to embrace uncertainty and to pursue my passion wholeheartedly. It has reshaped my perspective on time, priorities, and even failure. I now see each day as a canvas, filled with opportunities to create and grow. While the journey is still unfolding, I know that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be - caring for my daughter, nurturing my art, and allowing both to thrive side by side. This new chapter is one of transformation, where the lines between life and art blur, making each moment, no matter how small, a part of a much larger picture.
